Scripture: “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”
~1 Corinthians 13:11🦋
There are moments in life when I don't want to grow up. Not because I don't want to be a responsible woman. Not because I don't want to be strong. But because sometimes life becomes so hard that I wish I could be a little girl again where Mommy and Daddy could fix everything.
When I was a child, I didn't carry the weight of difficult decisions. I didn't have to figure out what to do when things went wrong. When something scared me, I ran to my parents. But then we grow up. Suddenly, people are looking to us for answers. As a nurse, I have experienced moments when things can become scary. There are times when you are standing there waiting for the doctor, and you are it. The patient is looking at you. The family is looking at you. Everyone is waiting for you to know what to do.
Sometimes, even though you appear calm on the outside, inside you are thinking, “God, please help me. I'm scared too.” There are moments when life feels exactly like that. Last week I was being faced with all the odds against me. “ I started crying, I was complaining to my husband”. “I am tired”. “I don’t want to grow up”. “At times I wish I was just a little girl without any responsibilities”. What do you do when you are it? As a little girl “Tag” is a playground game involving one or more players chasing other players in an attempt to “tag” and tag chase the kids until someone is “it”. My husband sat there to listen until he decided to sing to me the “Toys r us “ song; “ I don’t want to grow up, I want to be a toy’s r us kid”. Sounds Funny? Yes, but at that moment I was hurting. I was calling on God for a rescue.
You have to make difficult decisions. You have responsibilities. People depend on you. You have to keep moving even when you are mentally exhausted and physically tired. And sometimes you wonder: “How am I supposed to be a victorious woman when I don't even feel strong?” Maybe you've asked yourself that question too. How do I keep going when I'm tired? How do I make the right decision when I don't know what to do? How do I remain strong when I feel like falling apart? How do I become the woman God has called me to be when sometimes I just want to be someone's little girl again?
Then God reminds me of something beautiful: I may have grown up, but I have never outgrown my Father. I am still His daughter. The difference is that my earthly parents cannot always fix everything anymore. There are problems they cannot solve and burdens they cannot carry for me. But my Heavenly Father can meet me in every situation. When I am afraid, He is there. When I am exhausted, he is there. When I don't know what decision to make, He is there. When I feel like everyone is depending on me, I can depend on Him.
Growing up doesn't mean that I have to become so strong that I no longer need help. Growing up in Christ means learning where to run when I don't have the answers. The world may see a nurse. The world may see a woman. The world may see someone who is capable, responsible, and strong. But God sees His daughter. And daughters are allowed to come home. Sometimes I don't need another strategy. Sometimes I don't need another answer. Sometimes I just need to sit in my Father's presence and say, “Abba, I don't know what to do. I'm tired. I'm scared. Please help me.” And He does. Maybe that is what victorious womanhood really looks like. Not a woman who never gets scared. Not a woman who always knows what to do. Not a woman who never cries. But a woman who, even in the middle of fear, remembers whose daughter she is. I don't want to grow up. And maybe that's okay. Because I can grow in wisdom, responsibility, strength, and faith and still remain childlike enough to reach for my Father's hand. I am growing up, but I am not growing away from God. I am His daughter. And He is still my Father.
